Tasty Pies - by Br. Dysmas

 

Just so we are clear, the number 1 finding of the Canonical Visitation of the Sons of the Most Holy Redeemer in Chch 2023 was that their church is too small. Not crimes or abuse… Bigger church. Number 1 finding – Bigger Church

Sheffield needs a Bigger Pie Shop

“Hold on”, you might say, “Hasn’t Christchurch Diocese been closing churches? Haven’t all the parishes been consolidated into arch-parishes named after the four points of the compass? Why is the church in Rutland St too small? Why do they have so many faithful attending Mass?”

I’m not sure but it could be the same reason that people will travel from far and wide and wait in queues for a Sheffield or Fairlie Pie… Their pies are just better than anyone elses.

Sheffield Pies -World Famous in South Island, N.Z.

Now imagine we were in fact talking about a nationwide (even worldwide) company. The Rutland St Branch had shown such growth and success that they had grown out of their premises while other branches in the same city had to shut their doors. The manager would get a bonus, their success story would feature in the company newsletter and an investigation would be commissioned to determine the reason for their success with a view to teaching ‘their ways’ to the other branches.

But the Catholic Church is not a mere corporation, so things are done a little differently. An investigaton is carried out, not to emulate them but rather to find out what is wrong with them. All staff are fired without reason, their licenses revoked and ordered to leave the city within three months. Their story is featured in the newsletter warning all with big words like “illicit”, not to visit the Rutland St Branch. And it’s safe to say that their manager is still waiting for his bonus.

Then the poor Rutland St employees, who can’t really see the reward in this staff incentive scheme, appeal to the employment court and obtain a hearing. Meanwhile the branch continues to operate, and public opinion is still a little too high. People have even been calling up head office and asking if they can still visit the Rutland St Branch in the meantime. This must be stopped. To solve this problem the media are deployed. Nothing explicit, no witnesses or evidence, which can be disproved, just trigger words, rumours and fill-in-the-blanks puzzles. That will sort the public opinion out.

Something tells me that this style of management is not conducive to company growth but that's a story for another day.

Nevertheless, in spite of all this, many faithful customers still visit the Rutland St Branch daily. Weekend numbers are high as ever and the pies still taste darn good. If you haven't stopped by before I encourage you to go along and see for yourself. They have even recently expanded to a second location in North Canterbury. Ah well, at least the head office did something right in the end and gave them a new premises. No no, don't be hasty, they had to buy it themselves... From the competition!